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Book Review

Her Choice To Heal is Guide For Post-Abortive Woman

By Diane Levero

“A woman doesn’t want an abortion like she wants an ice-cream cone or a Porsche, but like an animal caught in a trap who gnaws off its own leg,” says pro-life feminist Frederica Matthews-Green.

In Her Choice to Heal, authors Sydna Masse and Joan Phillips quote Ms. Matthews-Green to drive home a point:  abortion, for most women, is the choice made out of desperation, when the other alternatives seem too awful to contemplate.

They both know from personal experience:  Sydna had one abortion and Joan had three.

Using their own experiences, suffering and healing as a springboard, they wrote Her Choice to Heal as a guidebook for other post-abortive women to achieve that same healing.

Sydna became pregnant in her second year in college.  When her boyfriend threatened to deny he was the father and desert her if she didn’t have an abortion, she went through with the painful operation, then turned to drugs and promiscuity to numb her feelings.

Joan married her high school sweetheart, only to have him turn into a controlling, violent monster.

When she found herself pregnant for a third time, determined not to bring another child into her wretched family situation, she had an abortion.

Shortly afterwards, she took her two small sons and moved to another city, where she found a job and began a two-year affair with an older married man that resulted in two more abortions.

Feeling used and worthless, she eventually broke off their relationship, her heart filled with bitterness and hatred.

After years of turmoil and unhappiness, both women came to work at the Crisis Pregnancy Ministry, operated by the Christian group, Focus on the Family.

Their map to post-abortion recovery is solidly based on God’s forgiveness and love, and their writing abounds in Biblical quotes and insights.

After relating their stories, the authors describe Post-Abortion Syndrome--a type of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by the emotional trauma of abortion.

Despite feelings of relief after their abortion and the conviction that they made the right decision, many women experience often-delayed reactions of guilt, anxiety, psychological “numbing,” depression, and thoughts of suicide.

Other symptoms include recurring flashbacks of the abortion, eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, alcohol and drug abuse, and other self-punishing and self-degrading behaviors.

In order to shield herself from the awful reality that she has killed her own child, the post-abortive woman expends much time and energy erecting a wall of denial.

Part of the healing process is to admit your wrongdoing to yourself and to God, who, the authors remind the reader, knows all about your abortion, and still loves you and is waiting to welcome you back to Him.

Her Choice next examines how to deal with the anger with which the post-abortive woman struggles:  anger against those who pressured her to have the abortion--perhaps her parents, the baby’s father, or friends; against the abortionist; against God for allowing the abortion to happen; and against herself for getting in the situation in the first place, and for weakly going ahead with the abortion.

Joan and Sydna recommend relieving the bitterness engendered by this anger by talking it through with a trustworthy friend or counselor, or by pouring out your hurt by writing letters to those you feel betrayed you--letters you never send.

An important part of healing after an abortion is the process of grieving for your lost child.  This may take months or even years.

Joan describes her grieving when, years after her first abortion, she allowed herself to mourn her lost child and wept uncontrollably for a long time.

Many women are afraid to let themselves mourn, afraid they won’t be able to stand the pain, that it will consume them.  

The idea is not to get over your grief, but to walk through the center of your grief, to the peace and healing on the other side.

Finally, the post-abortive woman must confront the issue of forgiveness:  from God, toward herself, and toward others.

Her Choice reminds readers that God is used to sinners, and that, as with the Prodigal Son, you know how He will react when you acknowledge your sin and ask for forgiveness:  “He will forgive.  He will rejoice.  He’ll throw a party and invite all the angels!”

As for forgiving yourself, which many post-abortive women find very hard to do, the authors point out that if God, whose standards are holier than yours, has forgiven you, can you not forgive yourself?

Others--a parent, a boyfriend or a husband--may have threatened or pressured you into an abortion, and forgiving them comes hard.

To forgive means to renounce anger or resentment against an offender.  Reminding the reader what a wonderful thing it would be to live without anger or resentment, the authors’ advice is to put the burden of resentment into God’s hands and “let them off the hook in your heart.”

Sydna, now married and the mother of three sons, is president and founder of Ramah International, a post-abortion ministry.

Joan, married, the mother of four sons and the grandmother of five, works with crisis pregnancy groups.

The Alan Guttmacher Institute estimates that 43 percent of American women have experienced abortion at least once by the age of 45.

Pro-life speaker Vera Lord, who had an abortion herself, recommends, “When you find out who it is you know who had an abortion, get them Her Choice to Heal; it literally saved my life.”

Her Choice to Heal is available on Amazon.com.