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DRESSEL COACHES KIDS ON ABSTINENCE

When Eric Dressel was giving a talk on chastity to a gym class of about 60 freshman boys in a public high school, he asked the boys who were still abstinent to raise their hands.

Fifty-five boys raised their hands.

“They looked around, shocked – they thought they were the only ones!” Dressel told a group of high school students and parents at St. Joseph’s Parish, Cockeysville, September 29.

It’s a difficult generation to be a teen in, Dressel acknowledged.

“A lot of sex on TV and in the culture is in-your-face.  There is a lot of pressure to have sex – and it’s not just girls who get pressured – guys are getting pressured too.”

Modern culture sends the message that virginity is no big deal, “It’s sort of a problem that you have to get over,” he observed.

But virginity is a gift given to us by God:  “He is not some cosmic killjoy; he gives us loving boundaries for our own good.”

Dressel, in addition to coaching lacrosse at Perry Hall High School, gives abstinence talks as part of a youth ministry group he started called Youth 180.

He explained that sexual abstinence until marriage is “a real old concept.

“Abstinence is not about ‘Just say no,’ sex is bad.  God, who is good, invented it.  He makes good things.  But He also made it very powerful, the way it affects us physically, emotionally and spiritually.”

For that reason, making the right decisions about sexuality is critical, he said.

“You’re launching your adult life.  You want to do it right, or it can get you off-track for years.”

Dressel compared sex to a fire:  “It’s good when it’s kept in a fireplace, but if it gets out, it is very harmful.”

When a couple abstains from sex until they are within the “fireplace” of marriage, he said, they don’t have to worry about “protection” against pregnancy, because they are in an emotionally and socially secure situation to welcome babies.

They also don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.

“When I was your age, there were two types of STDs,” said Dressel.  But today, because of widespread promiscuity, “there are 25 types, and some of them are killers.”

A school nurse at one of the schools at which he spoke told him that more and more students are coming in with STDs in their throat from oral sex.  Another school nurse estimated that of the sexually active students at Towson University, 50 percent have STDs.

“But I would still give these talks, even if you could put on some kind of scuba suit and protect yourself from all the physical effects,” said Dressel, “because we are spiritual as well as physical beings.”

Girls start off looking for romance – for a prince – someone to love them, he said.

“Somehow they’ve been convinced that they have to give themselves physically to get that.  But when they give themselves physically, they can’t detach their hearts.”

In the process, many get hurt.

“I’ve seen girls in the eighth grade that are already cynical, because they were hurt so badly.  This doesn’t happen so much with guys.”

It’s not that guys can’t feel pain, he said.  They are capable of deep and committed love, and can get hurt emotionally too.

Dressel said that relationships are built on the basis of emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy.

But when sex becomes the focus of a relationship, it takes over, and that’s not a good thing.

“A lot of times, people resort to the physical because they run out of things to talk about,” he pointed out.  “It they spent more time talking, they might find out they can’t stand each other!”

To teens who want to stay abstinent, Dressel recommended:

1. Find a few friends who are doing the same thing.
2. Keep your spiritual life alive; don’t just go through the motions.
3. Don’t drink – alcohol blurs one’s judgment.
4. Get so wrapped up in the “good stuff”– sports, music, school activities – that you don’t feel like you’re missing out on something.

“One of the things that really motivates me is, I enjoy God’s favor,” Dressel confided.  “I don’t want to do things that will get me off course.

“Sexual sin is one of the biggest ways to put distance between us and God.”

Dressel reminded those who have lost their virginity but want to make a fresh start, “We have an awesome God who loves us enough to shed His blood for us.

“If we go to Him, He puts our sins as far as the East is from the West.  We are a new creation.”

Mr. Dressel’s talk at St. Joseph’s was part of a three-day series of talks on abstinence sponsored by the Archdiocese of Baltimore’s Respect Life Office.

He also spoke at Sacred Heart School, Glyndon; Cardinal Sheehan School; Shrine of the Sacred Heart School, Mount Washington; Baltimore Lutheran High School; Maryvale High School; Our Lady of the Fields Church, Millersville; and the Catholic student center at University of Maryland.

For more information or to schedule a talk by Mr. Dressel, contact Linda Brenegan at the Respect Life Office, 410-547-5537; or Cookie Harris, 410-666-9411.