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Book Review

Christian Courtship Offers Singles Radical Alternative

By Diane Levero

In a culture in which the sex-saturated TV hit sit-com “Friends” sets the accepted standard of behavior for young single adults, Fr. Thomas Morrow’s new book, Christian Courtship in an Over-Sexed World:  A Guide for Catholics, is a genuine shocker.

Father Morrow baldly declares that Catholic young adults can and should remain chaste during dating and courtship.

The skeptical reader will be further amazed to learn that Father’s urgings are not simply ivory tower wishful thinking:  as a priest at St. Matthews Cathedral in Washington, D.C., helping to set up groups for young adults, he encountered hundreds of young men and women who wanted to date and court in a chaste way, but didn’t quite know how to go about it.

This book  sets it all out in intriguing detail.  But let’s be clear:  this is not a bunch of do’s and don’ts for teens on how to behave at the mixer or the junior prom.  This is for young adults whose high school and college years are behind them, and who are ready, willing and anxious to find a man or woman who, like them, wants to enter into a happy and lifelong Catholic marriage.

What does a celibate priest know about dating and courtship?  Well, quite a bit. Tom Morrow, a former engineer, dated frequently until he entered the seminary at age 33.

As a priest organizing the hugely popular St. Catherine and St. Lawrence societies for single young women and men respectively, and through counseling many young adults, he became well acquainted with the problems encountered in contemporary dating and courtship.

Father Morrow takes the reader step-by-step, from deciding, first, what you should be looking for in a spouse, all the way to that final trip down the aisle to the altar.

He doesn’t hesitate to quote contemporary authorities, some of whom are non-Catholic and even secular; but his perspective throughout is firmly and unapologetically Catholic.

Quotes and references from the saints, papal writings, The Catechism of the Catholic Church and the Bible are abundant.

He begins with the admonition that when you are deciding whom to date--and eventually possibly marry--your first consideration should be, “Will this person help me to get to God’s Kingdom?”

There follows much specific advice on what to look for when seeking Mr. or Miss Right.  Don’t be afraid to set your standards reasonably high, he counsels, adding the pithy observation that it’s “better to be single and wish you were married than to be married and wish you were single.”

Then comes a clarification of what “love” is (there are four types), followed by detailed guidelines and tips on how to conduct that rarity in modern society, a chaste courtship.

Father sets the tone with St. Thomas Aquinas’ and Aristotle’s description of chastity as the habitual moderation of the sexual appetite in accord with right reason.

He helps the reader reorient himself away from the world’s view of sex as primarily for self-gratification, toward a Christian view in which self-control of sexual desires allows room for friendship, affection and agape, or divine love.

As if his basic premise isn’t shocking enough, Father Morrow fearlessly promotes the politically incorrect concept that women should allow men to be the pursuers in a courtship, with themselves as “the prize,” basing his arguments Biblically, but backing them up with advice from modern psychologists.

He also takes a critical look at the almost universally accepted social phenomenon of “younger people dating seriously without the slightest prospect of being able to get married.”

He warns, “The dating habits of our teenagers are a perfect preparation for divorce, not marriage,” and backs up this disconcerting assertion with convincing arguments.

But Christian Courtship is not all unsettling contentions.  Father gives plenty of space to practical considerations, such as where to look for Mr. or Miss Right and how “Men from Mars” and Women from Venus” can communicate.

And he offers valuable perspectives on how young adults should view the serious commitment of marriage and on their attitude toward children, “the supreme gift of marriage.”

As icing on the cake, he walks the reader through an ideal engagement and a truly Catholic wedding, one that “would please the Lord.”

Father Morrow’s wisdom, insights, and sense of humor make Christian Courtship a fascinating read, even if you’re not a young adult in the market for a spouse.

But if you are, go for it!

Father Morrow’s book, published by Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division, is available on Amazon.com.